Raising a strong child? Here are more instructional tips to get you on the right track.
You know that you have a strong, loving child in your arms who will not respond to any kind of disciplinary advice. Here are some tips on what can actually work.
Tips for raising a child with a strong desire
Being a parent of a resilient child can be challenging. Powerful kids will refuse to respond to any of your “go” tricks in the direction of discipline. Remove the toy? They follow you. Sit them in a chair for a while? They refuse to sit down. Try redirecting them to a different job? They let go of resentment that would not stop them. Read your book? They prefer playing. Do your quit time? They decide to play card. While their stubbornness will work well for them in the future when they will not let anything stand in the way of their dreams, it is a great challenge when you try to teach them not to paint the walls. Here are five practice tips that actually work to help teach your strong child what is right and wrong.
1.Use direct reinforcement:
You already know that incorrect reinforcement (such as over time, etc.) does not work. Instead, strive to be positive and reward your child with good behavior. Whenever they do what they should do, give sincere commendation or put a sticker on the moral chart to see their progress. One useful tool is a cotton ball, which works well with strong children. Whenever you see your little one doing the right thing even the smallest thing, throw a cotton ball in a glass jar. Then give the prize when the jar is filled to the brim.
2. Choose Your Wars
Children with strong cravings have strong opinions about everything - what to wear, what to eat, what to do - and quickly learn that you can't argue about everything. So, choose your battles. It is perfectly fine to let your child wear snow boots in mid-July and be more firm when it comes to not hitting his brother.
Children learn best not only by listening to what we say but also by watching how we behave and imitate them. If you want to get your child to listen to you, learn to walk and practice what you teach. If you want your child to be kind, let them see that you are kind to others, especially if you have no reason to be. If you want them to stop shouting, watch your tone.
4. Provide Options
Children can sometimes feel like everything is out of control - they go to school at this time, they come home at that time, and they can't eat mac and cheese in every meal - and this feeling can make them imitate, especially when it comes to children with strong cravings. Let your little one feel like they have more control by offering two options you can enjoy, such as, "Do you want broccoli or peas for dinner?" or "Do you want to wear a blue or green dress?"
5. Lower the cord:
Sometimes, you will find yourself kneeling in a heated battle against a powerful child, especially if you have power over yourself. The best thing you can do in this situation is to throw the rope and go. When you are both calm, you can start a conversation again with a new perspective.
Raising a strong child? Here are more instructional tips to get you on the right track.
there are 11 tips for raising a peaceful parent, your strong, air-loving child.
1. Remember that stubborn children are experienced students.
That means they have to see for themselves if the stove is hot. So unless you are worried about serious injuries, it is best to let them learn from experience, rather than trying to control them. And you can expect your strong child to test your limits often - that's the way he learns. Once you know that, it becomes easier to stay calm, which prevents aging and your relationships - and your nerves.
2. Your strongest child wants more control than anything else.
Let him handle as much of his work as possible. Don't bother him to brush his teeth - ask him "What else do you need to do before we leave?" If he seems empty, note the short list— "Every morning we eat, brush our teeth, use the toilet, and pack our backpacks. I've seen you pack your backpack, that's awesome! Now, what do you still need to do before you leave?"
Children who feel more independent and in control of themselves will have less need to argue. Needless to say, they took responsibility early.
3. Give your child your favorite choices.
If you place an order, it will definitely fly. When you give freely, you feel like the master of his destiny. Of course, offer only options that you can afford and do not let anger control you. If going to the store cannot be discussed and you want to continue playing, the right choice is by
"Do you want to go now or in 10 minutes? Okay, 10 minutes without any fuss? Let's try on it .... And since it can be hard to stop playing in ten minutes, how can I help you there?"
4. Give her authority over her body.
"I hear you don't want to wear your jacket today. I think it's cold and I'm definitely wearing a jacket. Well, you're in charge of your body, as long as you're safe and healthy, so decide if you'll wear it. But I'm afraid you'll be cold when we're out, and I won't want to go back. Why don't I put your coat in the bag, and we'll have it if you change your mind? "
He will not get pneumonia, unless you push him into it pretending to win when he asks for a coat. And if she doesn't lose her face by wearing her jacket, she'll be begging her when she's cold. It's hard for her to imagine that she feels cold when she's warm in the house right now, and the jacket looks like she has such a problem. She’s sure she’s right - and her body tells her that - so it’s natural to resist you. You don't want to undermine that confidence, just teach him that there is no shame in allowing new details to change his mind.
5. Avoid violent conflicts using rules and regulations.
That way, you're not a bad person who treats them badly, just saying "The law is that we use a pot after every meal and snack," or "Time to turn on the light at 8 p.m. homework before screen time. "
6. Do not pressure him into opposition.
Coercion always creates a “backlash” - with people of all ages. If you take a difficult and immediate situation, you can easily push your child away, just to make a point. You will know when it is a power struggle and invest in winning. Just stop, breathe, and remind yourself that winning a battle with your child always puts you at risk of losing what is most important - a relationship.
If in doubt you say - "Okay, you can decide for yourself this."
If he cannot, state which part of the decision he will make, or he will have to find another way to meet his need for independence without compromising his health or safety.
7. Side power measures by letting your child save face.
You do not need to prove it. You can, and should, set reasonable expectations and achieve them. But under no circumstances should you try to force your views on your adolescent or force him or her to compromise. He should do what he wants, but he is allowed to have his own ideas and feelings about it.
8. Lay him down.
You, as an adult, may think you know better. But your strong child has a strong will in part because of his or her integrity. He has an idea that makes him hold on to his position, and he tries to defend something that seems important to him. Only by listening to him calmly and expressing his words will you be able to understand what is causing his opposition.
Someone who doesn't want to judge - "I hear you don't want to take a bath. Can you tell me more about why?"
You can ask for details (as I did with my three-year-old Alice) if you are afraid she will come down, like Alice in the song. It may not seem like a good reason for you, but he has a reason. And you won't get it if you argue and order it on board.
9. See it from his perspective.
For example, he may get angry because he promised to wash his cap and forget about it. To you, you are stubborn. To him, you are rightly angry, and he is pretending, because he is not allowed to break your promises to you, but you have broken yours to him.
How to delete this and proceed? You sincerely apologize for breaking your promise, assuring him that you are working hard to keep your promise, and that you are all going to wash the cape. You can also teach her how to wash her clothes so that you will not be in this position in the future and be empowered. Just think of how you would like to be treated, and treat her fairly.
10. Discipline relationships with relationships, not with punishment.
Children do not learn when they are in the midst of war. Like all of us, that’s where adrenaline hits and learning is closed. Children behave well because they want to please us. The more you fight and punish your child, the more you undermine his or her desire to please you.
If he is angry, help him express his injury, fear or frustration, so he steals. Then you will be ready to listen when you remind him that in your home, everyone speaks kindly to each other. (Of course, you have to imitate that. Your child will not always do what you say, but he will, in the long run, do what you do.)
11. Give him respect and compassion.
Most stubborn children fight for respect. If you give it to them, they don't have to fight to defend their position. And, like all of us, it is very helpful when they feel understood. If you see his point of view and think he is wrong - for example, you want to wear a church cap and think that is wrong - you can still sympathize with him and meet him in part while setting a limit.
"You like this cape and wish you could wear it, don't you? But when we go to church we dress well to show respect, so we can't wear a cape. I know you'll miss wearing it. Why don't we go with it so you can wear it when we go home?"
Does this sound like a good way to raise children? Not at all. He sets boundaries. But you put yourself in the right frame of mind for your child, making him or her more cohesive.